Sandman’s Definitive Rankings – Celtic v Shepherds’ Pies


“If Glasgow Celtic make a selection to spoil you, what trade is it of yours?” Cixin Liu, ‘The Darkish Wooded area’.

The SPFL trophy on show sooner than the Cinch Scottish Premiership fit between Celtic FC and Aberdeen FC at Celtic Park on July 31, 2022 in Glasgow, United Kingdom. (Photograph by way of Steve Welsh/Getty Pictures)

ROXIE – 6.5/10 – File maker – 250th blank sheet of his profession, fittingly clutching the ball as the overall whistle blew. About one of the most solely touches he required, with the exception of a sensible save when his personal skipper attempted to cheekily nod one previous him to stay him wide awake, and a neat little bit of consciousness early directly to negate a calamity with good footwork.

GREGGS THE BAKER – 7/10 – All-round preferrred effort, showing incisive interlinking play to ignite assaults and digging in as according to same old when the defensive tasks have been required. Some great benefits of a summer season steak-bake-only
nutrition are evident…

GET CARTER – 8/10 – He’s a large mhan and he’s going to the Global Cup. So don’t get in his means. Relished his duel with Aberdeen’s resurrected historical civilisation of Macedonia striker who threw himself round like he used to be nonetheless representing the Macedonia Achaean League in opposition to the Roman Republic in 214 BC. Which to many on this nation, could also be nonetheless the case…

However Carter used to be fixated on victory without charge and with some medical protecting noticed us to it.

RAQUEL – 6.5/10 – Glamorous, however I’m nonetheless now not positive that stunning head can make the fur bikini her personal. Glanced within the opener sweetly proper after the outlet titles however then slowed the film down each time the ball used to be at her toes; taking extra touches than others, and that tendency to dither takes the threshold off Angeball slightly. First rate even though, however now not convinvcing.

JURAN JURAN – 6/10 – Noticed him, misplaced him, noticed him once more, misplaced him within the solar. Flared into motion like he’d been introduced in by way of the Inexperienced Brigade solely to burn out quickly after. His roving used to be quelled moderately by way of the Dons’ vigorous danger down the left and he used to be MIA when Jonny The Vanquisher Of Mordor Demons Hayes burst into our field and simply couldn’t convey himself to do it.

But for a spell within the 2d half of JJ confirmed why he’s going to command a large continental switch rate subsequent 12 months with blistering attacking play, whipping in crosses and stinging the keeper’s paws himself. Name this one a warm-up for the months forward.

CALMAC – 6/10 – Wherefor artwork thou, capitano? Shakespeare wrote that once the first-half; or somewhat Marlowe did, historic cynics…However Calmac seemed knackered by way of wearing that gigantic trophy onto the park and hoisting a flag and it wasn’t till deep in the second one length he took it upon himself to lift the pace and get the sport to mattress, the place he quickly adopted.

Celtics captain Callum McGregor arrives with the SPFL trophy sooner than the Cinch Scottish Premiership fit between Celtic FC and Aberdeen FC at Celtic Park on July 31, 2022 in Glasgow, United Kingdom. (Photograph by way of Steve Welsh/Getty Pictures)

HAKUNA HATATE – 7.5/10 – Iniesta’s favorite participant used to be taking a look like our favorite too as he gave the impression the one stand-out of a laboured first-half. Took an uncongenial clunking from some new Sheep midfield thug known as Ramalamadingdong who tributed the departed Fergiesun by way of making an attempt to tear out Reo’s spinal wire from the tailbone up as a trophy, Predator-style. Shiny, prepared and sparking openings, sadly Reo couldn’t to find any person at the identical wavelength more often than not, bar…

THE BUILDER – 7/10 – Floated round just like the ghost of Tommy Rogic and nearly emulated the good Oz.’s have an effect on with a couple of deft touches. However in the end thwarted; smacked an excellent volley off the keeper’s gloves, even though in most cases looks as if he’ll fill the Wizard’s position neatly.

 Celtic fanatics outdoor Celtic Park sooner than the Cinch Scottish Premiership fit between Celtic FC and Aberdeen FC at Celtic Park on July 31, 2022 in Glasgow, United Kingdom. (Photograph by way of Steve Welsh/Getty Pictures)

LORD KATSUMOTO – 6/10 – It seemed like a recreation of ‘make Maeda run’, however don’t give him the ball. Tireless as ever, busting a intestine again and again however carrier used to be scarce and when he did seem able to make an have an effect on, the regulations of physics have been defied – idea he used to be about to damage in a header but pinged it again the best way it got here. That’s Daizen – ball can ricochet anyplace off him, every now and then in…

MR.KOBAYASHI – 6/10 – ‘No-go for you, Kyogo a go-go,’ mentioned Batfink, and the mantra you’ll’t get out your heid from the 80s affected the fatal mushroom up entrance as he used to be foiled by way of admirable protecting and his personal timing.

NOTEBOOK – 8.5/10 MOTM – After a irritating 30 minutes of misfiring, his ingenious genius got here to the fore and we started to tick as an offensive pressure. Alternatively, you will have nonetheless marked him down as now not being fairly on it, like many others, then…

ShakalakaBOOM! Moments like which can be what units apart the supermen from the journeymen. Moments like that, given the scoreline and the fit time, also are what units the Zombies spewing; “Choke on that, ya phish-gargling heathens!” the smoke-trail of the ball spelled out in binary code because it scorched into the highest nook.

Moments like that simply eclipse the rest you’ll keep in mind of the sport.


SON OF JACKIE – 6/10 – The massive guy got here on for a scrap, and were given one – with himself. Wryly fun to look him beat himself up after lacking probabilities at glory – one a sitter that had Jonny Hayes nodding in approval.

EDDIE TURNBULL – 5.5/10 – Appearing his age (deceased) as he did not cap a scintillating counter-attack by way of sweeping house Pocket book’s chic move. No longer that he seemed as even though he may just even establish the ball because it
clattered round his shins. Known as for his nurse to assist however by way of then it used to be too past due and the danger used to be cleared.

MOOEY – N/A – Scully would had been proud to look his gormless particular wishes good friend don the Hoops of his idol King Kenny. Whether or not Mooey turns out to be a baldy James McCarthy or a sane model of Tommy Gravesen is still noticed.

ABADASS – 6/10 – Did what he does highest – livened up the wing, examined the keeper, examined the Jock Stein rear.

TONY THE TIGER – N/A – Let loose his cage for a prowl within the ultimate embers of the afternoon.

ANITA DOBSON – 7/10 – He promised, he delivered. Angeball seemed a tad rusty however that used to be all the way down to the misfiring exponents at the park. The boss rolled right into a new season as ever focussed and intent on plying his strategies. Fearless substitutions rearranged half of the group and regardless of the moderately undercooked nature of this barbie, he used to be ready to around off a ample day with a couple of tinnies within the sunshine.

MIBBERY – 3.5/10 – Warmer than hell down pitch-side, so that they gave it to Little Nicky to sabotage the Bhoys Flag Day. He by no means in reality were given that opportunity, however did set up to pass over a couple of vicious anti-footballing manoeuvres
in time-honoured MIB style, costing Celtic a playmaker.

OVERALL- 6.5/10 – Neatly we did in the end get again with a bang. Began with an incredible Tifo, ended with a shocking screamer. As incessantly, that early function dulled the threshold for a time as we anticipated a killer 2nd, they received a bit of of self belief from being let off the hook, and we questioned if issues would possibly get tough. Alternatively, this Celtic aspect know the way to win and the three issues used to be by no means in an excessive amount of doubt, regardless of each hitmen misfiring – some other day and we’d have racked up 4 or 5.

So we’re off and working and the thoroughbreds are solely loosening up for an exhilarating season forward. Thrill number one ripped into the postage stamp nook (that’s like electronic mail, however for yer Granny, youngsters) and there’s going to be many, many extra at the means as this dynamic squad get in synch. Let’s Pass! as some thicko as soon as mentioned. Then in fact did  fleck off…

Pass Away Now


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